From "Mr. Hamilton"

OK, so I got this message in my inbox from a Mr. Hamilton, who wants me to invest in a business with him in my country. Aw, that is so sweet, but unfortunately, I am only 4 years old...bankers won't take me seriously. So I thought I'd share his message with you and break it down in case he writes you too (don't hold your breath, he seems adamant that he wants ME to invest).

Here's the message:

"I am a foreign Investor, I want to invest in your country and I am writting to seek your assistance in starting a business investment in your country and execute a business plan that will benefit me and you. If you can assist me in investing my money in your country on a business investment you can manage please e-mail me with your telephone number so I can explain to you more better and give you further information. My E-mail is - frankhamiltons@msn.com"

Here's the breakdown:

I am a foreign investor...Yes, and I am Barbie. Nice to meet you. But you should never preface any paragraph with those words. Two things wrong here: 1) you are foreign, so why would you ever want me to help you with an investment? You're FOREIGN. Before the Canadian cops ever get to you, they have to swim oceans and stuff. You'll be off with my allowance like a mad hatter. 2) you are an investor. Enough said.

I want to invest in your country...Yes, and I am equally happy that you want to invest in my country and I in yours and...GIVE ME A BREAK!! You don't want to invest in my country, you want to invest in my allowance. Ain't no way your getting my bubblegum money. Swim as many oceans as you want pal; and don't insult my country, there are lots of bubblegum chewers over here - you'd be seriously outnumbered. Why don't you invest in a real job or an honest living...that's the only way to pay for Hubba Bubba.

I am writting to seek your assistance in starting a business investment in your country...really, you should hear yourself. Did you read this before you clicked SEND? You can't even spell "writing"...you're probably younger than me for all I know! And where would I ever get enough capitol to help you start on our glorious adventure? It would never work anyway; I only invest in gum, Barbie dolls, and hair clips. Get over it.

...that will benefit me and you. Take the you, and, will, that, and benefit out of that sentence and what do you have left? That's right spammer, in case you can't follow process of elimination, it says YOU. YOU would take my bubblegum money and YOU wouldn't care. That's how pathetic this whole charade is...you'd take money from a 4 year old. What about my future? What about all the dresses I will need in life? What about my education as a lawyer so I can stop people trying to invest in nothing?

If you can assist me in investing my money in your country on a business investment you can manage...Holy cow, you are a hoser. You sound like dad trying to win an argument against mom. Sales pitch lesson from a 4 year old #1: make me believe you.

Please e-mail me with your telephone number so I can explain to you more better and give you further information. While I'm at it Frank, why don't I send you the whole phonebook? Would that help you Frank? I am here for you my brother from another mother. I would like to include my social insurance number, my diary, safety deposit box key, and my package of Hubba Bubba...just in case you lose the phone book. Hopefully that will make you realize just how committed I am to this venture. Frank, I won't let you down.

My E-mail is - frankhamiltons@msn.com. Yep, and mine is iamasuckertakeallmygummoney@totallyhereforyoufrank.com

Wierdo.