No Purchase Necessary

Q: Do you play RUTR (Roll-Up-The-Rim)?

A: That's like asking an Eskimo if he eats seal fat. Who in Canada doesn't play RUTR?? You don't even need a paying job to play RUTR! You can snail-mail Tim Horton's, and they will mail you a cup absolutely free! For real. Click here and see # 2 - no purchase necessary to play. I know, only in Canada.

Exactly. Anyway, I don't need a paying job anyway because dad takes me there all the time, and I already won a free coffee - but GUESS who took that and didn't buy me a donut?? The SAME person tells me religiously that if I win the car on one of my cups, I won't get to keep the car until I turn 16 because I TECHNICALLY didn't pay for the cup. The SAME person says the brand spanking new Toyota Matrix will belong to the SAME person because THAT person is able to drive it.

Geez Louise...I wonder if I found $ on the ground and bought a personality would I keep it from them? No...I have a personality and they don't!! So I'd gladly give it to them without hesitation and tell them they can keep their shiny car and drive it until they only have their personality left, and then ask them WHO'S "TECHNICALLY" MORE GENEROUS NOW???

But it's just a stupid car. What do I really care? I'd rather a donut any day anyway. So yeah, I play RUTR. But do not confuse me with a consumer who's tricked into a fancy marketing scheme where gambling meets addiction. I play so that one day SOMEBODY would see their lack of personality and GIVE ME  a PRECIOUS CAR ALREADY!!!

2 TVs = What Again???

Q: What's the point of more than 1 TV in the house?

A: Um...that's like asking "what's the point of having both hands?" You see, if you took one of your hands away, you'd only be able to hang half as long off a razor-blade wire hanging 20,000 feet over a bucket of iodine. You'd really appreciate having another hand at a moment like that wouldn't you? Cause then you could relax a bit more. Well it's the same with 2 TVs. Here's why: Let's say mom (the razor-blade wire) came in the livingroom while you were watching Hanna Montana (your only hand), then she changed the channel because you were watching TV already for 5.5 hours - and you freak out at her because you're totally engrossed in the tube, so you don't even know she's talking to you until you see Hanna Montana change into Ellen Degeneres (you letting go of the wire).

You think "What the heck???" - and then you say "What the heck???" (in a kind-of-rude way, but just rude enough to make your mother flip out, but you think she's way overreacting) and your mother orders you outside to play in the snow (the bucket of iodine).

Now, tell me you don't think a second hand would come in handy when Ellen Degeneres appears on the scene. Does anybody besides mom get her sense of humor? Anyway, are you still reading this? If you are, you must be seriously trying to tie it all together in your head. Well you can't because your not 7 like me. Anyway, the whole entire point here is that only having 1 TV will leave you having to endure the pain of Ellen Degeneres, which is similar to falling in a bucket of iodine after you sliced your hands up and fell 20,000 feet.

GET IT???

You need at least 2 TVs so you never have to play in the snow. Sheesh...slow people. You want proof that you're slow? I said sliced your hand"s" up. You only sliced 1 hand up - DUH!!!