Boys Are So Lucky!

My mom and dad are going on a big trip. They said I can't go, but my big brother can. They said it's not a vacation. When they explain it to me, how come they sound like Charlie Brown's teacher? You know..waah waah waah waah, etc. I don't think it's fair that I can't go. I even tried to tell them that I would be perfect and that they would not even notice that I was there. For some reason, my mom gave me a really weird look and called me sweetheart at the same time. I AM SO CONFUSED! What's the missing link here? I even told her that if I had a daughter I would take HER on a big trip. But she just mumbled something about my tune changing when I did have my daughter. Am I going to sing everything to my daughter? My mom is so good at changing the subject.

I guess if you want to go on a big trip with your parents, you'll have to convince them that you're not the sweetheart that they think you are. Better yet...be born as a boy next time...BOYS ARE SO LUCKY!!!

Walmart

The way I see it, Walmart is just one big place for 4 year olds to get out of the way. Today I went shopping with mom and dad for travel supplies. I have a question for the people that make Walmart: Why on planet earth would you put a rack of sunglasses and bracelets smack in the middle of the main isle? And here's one for old ladies that shop there: Don't you think I can see you a mile away with that stare that tells me I'm in the way??? Get real old ladies. I didn't see any neon signs anywhere saying that you slow pokes have the right of way. SHEESH. And the way they look at you and your parents when all you are doing is looking at bracelets and running around the display. Come on. GET REAL.

I guess if you are going to shop at Walmart, you should accept the fact that old ladies can't stand having to maneuver their carts around skinny little girls that take up 1 twentyeth of the isle ...and Walmart sets it up that way. When I get bigger, I'm going to be the boss of the people that design these places. Then after that, I'll make yellow neon signs saying that 4 year olds have the right of way.

Suckers!

Darth Vader Sucks

I asked my dad to take me for a tricycle ride today. He told me to go get my helmet on, but I said I wasn't going to crash anywhere. He said, "Nobody plans on crashing you know." So in the house he goes to get my helmet. While he was in the house I was dreaming about a day when I wouldn't have to wear a helmet anymore. After all, I looked like stupid pink Darth Vader in mine. When dad came back out I asked him if I could ride the tricycle without the helmet - just this once. He said that it would be OK if I drove my tricycle around in the driveway. Hooray!! Suddenly I was 25 years old...until I felt the tricycle leaning way too far to the left because my sneaker got caught in the peddle. The closer my tricycle and head got to the pavement, the younger I felt.

CRASH!

I hated my dumb sneaker that day, and the look on my dad's face that said, "...see, that Pink Darth Vader helmet doesn't look so bad on you after all."

I guess it's ok to humor your parents when safety trumps humiliation.

Butters

I hate people that butt in. I was standing in the middle of a long line at Subway the other day and this man walks in about 5 people ahead of me and begins chatting nonchalantly to 3 others in the line. When it came time for them to order and the counter attendant asked him if he wanted anything, he puts on this "well, since you're asking, I've got nothing better to do" smile and orders in glee. Well if it was glee, why was I picturing myself pushing his face into the hot peppers? Seriously people, God created lineups for one reason: because counter attendants will cry if everyone places their order at the same time. Next time you consider butting, think about what your friends will say to you at the park if you have hot peppers all over your face.