Crustaceans, Costs, Coins, and Cats

Q: Why does it cost $181,757 per hour for Barack Obama to travel on Air Force One?

A: Maybe it's the shrimp they serve on the plane. Aside from that, I couldn't tell you. As perplexing as that is, what's even moreso is that you somehow know the amount. Like, right down to the dollar. I had a hard enough time with my homework tonight trying to figure out what coins make up $0.65. And you want me to tell you something about 181,757??? Like for real??...okay, I know you were dropped on your head.

But JFTR: With Obama's recent ten-day trip to India, Indonesia, South Korea and Japan (48 hours of flight time logged), US taxpayers would have to cough up $8.7 Million for Air Force One.

Why doesn't he just take a cab or something? Or stop eating shrimp. My dad eats shrimp and they are disGUSTING. I hope he's not paying that much to drive around in his precious Honda. He could very well be driving my education around...

Anyway, here's a random angry cat that coincidentally reminds me of mom when I drink her Pepsi without asking her...

Bomb's Away!

Q: Why is there a bomb in your hand?

A: Why, that's not a bomb, silly. It's a bowling ball-shaped flower pot filled with an orange Gerbera flower. It's actually a genus of ornamental plants from the sunflower family (Asteraceae). Gerbera species bear a large capitulum with striking, two-lipped ray florets in yellow, orange, white, pink or red colours. The capitulum, which has the appearance of a single flower, is actually composed of hundreds of individual flowers (wikipedia).

I am shocked that you would assume such a thing. Is there a bomb in your hand? You should know I am all about flowers. Didn't you notice my shirt? I suppose that looks like a bomb, too? For heaven's sake, run for cover when you see the next flower bed you walk by.

KABOOM!

Unidentified

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?

A: That's an easy one "anonymous". I am aspiring to be someone who leaves their name because it's polite. I can't imagine aspiring to be anonymous. Do you go to some kind of self help group for that? Well you should. See, I assumed that you don't belong to such a group because you'd at least say you are "unknown, but not by choice". Holy cow! Get a life! The antonym for anonymous, by the way, is "known", "named", or "identified". Next time, can you PLEASE identify yourself (i.e. name yourself) to make yourself known!

(insert your own hissy fit here)

Back to your question. I consider myself grown up already. So really, all that's left for me to do is purchase a town house in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic and collect sea shells everyday. Don't knock it until you try it, anonymous.

This guy lives in the Dominican. I'm going to tell my dad to use that deodorant:

I'm Like Noooo Way!

Q: Why can kids hardly wait to be teenagers?

A: I have no freakin' clue. Here's why. Just today my favorite cousin Lauren (she's 13) came into her house with 3 other friends. Herein lies their dialogue:

Door opens..."...and I was like no way, and she said, 'yeah-way', and I said, 'na-ah', and she was all like, 'totally', and I was like 'as if', and she said, 'yeah girl', and I said, "LOL", and she said, "I know, right!", and I said, 'whatever.' Imagine! I'm like "nooooooo way!"

How drole is that? If hormones make people talk in incomplete sentences, then I'll pass go and collect my $200, thanks. It took everything in me to not say, "You insignificant psychological pieces of inginuity, how can you all be so consecutive in your mental capacity???" GOOD GRIEF, CHARLIE BROWN!!!

Now, I really like Lauren, but it's like she's morphing into an alien that doesn't speak my lingo anymore. But anyway, tough shell here people.

I think most kids really want to be teenager just because it means you can watch PG-13 movies. But whatever the reason...for the sake of Pete, get those marbles out of your mouth!!

Watch the girl in this video for example...she might be my age, and she sounds just like Lauren and her friends - but I'll pay anyone $5 if they can tell me what she says:

Is Your Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

Q: Is the glass half full or half empty?

A: It really depends on what kind of antidepressants you are on. My dad says red wine has the same effect. Because the more wine you drink, the more full the "glass" is because your outlook on life is more positive. But mom says dad's got it all wrong - the more you drink, the more empty your glass gets, but dad says that's not a bad thing because there's always enough wine to fill the cup back up, and thus you can always have a positive outlook on life. But mom says when you have to keep filling your glass up, you must not have a very fulfilling life. But dad says wine helps fill up one's "cup" and now I don't know what the heck either of them are talking about. Come to think of it, mom doesn't drink wine at all. And god love her, she tries really really hard, but the 'ole "glass" could use a fill up sometimes, dad says...know what I'm sayin'?

Anyway, let me set the record straight for these 2 icky love birds. Few drinks are expected to take up half of the glass, really. If one is expecting a normal drink, one is expecting a full drink. If one sees the drink at half capacity and declares it to be half full, they are making the implicit admission that it is half more than what they expected or are currently imagining. In other words, half full is only half full when compared to a glass that is completely empty. This "completely empty" alternative is what one has in mind when they declare a drink to be half full.

Soooooo, the moral of the story is: just take an antidpressant and your glass will never be completely empty.

Hiccup.

Politicalamity

Q: What are politics?

A: Glad you asked. Here's my Googled interpretation of what's out there:

It has something to do with why skilled hockey players do not get picked for the teams they deserve to be on. It's also why some people pay more taxes than others. And I even read that some parents who work really hard all their life, see a job advertised but they don't get hired because somebody's friend who doesn't even have the qualifications or experience gets the job.

But I think there's good politics and bad politics. I think we need more good ones though. Take George Bush for instance - the poor guy totally got a bad rap. Like remember the time when the airplanes knocked those buildings down? He was dragged through the mud over that, but I think he handled it great. For instance, in case you think his priorities were mixed up, he was actually reading a book to KIDS at the time! What was he supposed to do, NOT finish the book?? Jeesh. I know some people think he's an annoying goat, but George was a hero that day. And what's more, to ease the fear of the American people, George told them to go SHOPPING! Now that's a president!

That's right, Goerge! Remember kids: if your country's being terrorized and people are losing their lives, run to the nearest Walmart, empty your pockets, and fill your closets with as many Barbies as you can. George rocks!!. They say you don't need material things, but Barbies are a matter of national morale, people!!! Ask not what your country can do for you...

Mom knows what I mean. When someone close to us died a while ago, she went shopping for a new outfit and bought us all new shoes. We salute you too, mom.

Anyway, back to politicians...no matter who you vote for in life, a politician always wins anyway.

TRIX are for KIDS

Q: Why are TRIX only for kids?

A: I smell a Mitchell. So, I'm going to assume an adult wrote this question.

Here is the secret behind why TRIX are only for kids:

Silly Rabbit.

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