Race Horses and Linguine, or Linguistics, or WHATEVER

Q: How do you feel about tailgating?

A: Is tailgating one word? I wonder if you put a hyphen between tail and gating? If not, there should be one, because otherwise it could very well read like tailg ating or ta ilga ting. See how ridiculous they sound? There's a HUGE difference between how I feel about all 3. Take tailg ating for instance...you pretty much have to put an awkward pause in there that's just not normal. Try it, say it. See? It's awkward - like you're trying to impress a Chinese person with an impossible Mandarin sound that North Americans cannot make. It can also sound like you're trying to say tailgating but you're swallowing chocolate pudding in the middle of it. Anything ending in ilg is just plain insane anyway. Now take ta ilga ting for instance...that's a down-right train wreck in the English language. W ho i nthe irri ght mi nd ta lksl iket hat? There aren't too many things that annoy me, but trying to read or say ta ilga ting makes me want to punch a kitten or something.

Moving on to the word tailgating. I feel like apologizing to the kitten, but I'm still annoyed. Who sat down and decided to put tail and gating together without a hyphen? I'd love to hear what Billy Hickox has to say about this. He's a linguist of sorts. But what the heck does that mean in its own right? Anyway, picture the guy that formed the two words together. When I picture him, he's been forming words all day and has go to the bathroom the same way that race horses do after a long race; now pretend he's the horse and he's nearly losing his bladder when someone hands him a piece of paper and says, "what would you do with these two words?" I'm almost positive he'd just stick 'em together. Don't you think? That's the only logical explanation for it.

But I think you meant how do I feel about the practice of driving on a road too close to the vehicle in front, at a distance which does not guarantee that stopping to avoid collision is possible. It's like when mom and dad get in an argument. Mom's just booting it down the highway, making valid points and valid arguments, totally in control of things. But dad's like WAY behind her and can't even move the car fast enough, but all of a sudden, mom slows down only to take a breath just at the point when dad's getting frustrated because he's losing ground but gives it one last go and he gets RIGHT up on mom, who makes the same hand gesture that people do when someone's tailgating them. I'm not sure what it means, but dad usually gets the point. So he slows down even more so mom can speed away, winning the race.

At any rate, I don't like tailgaters. And I really HATE ta ilga ting.

Here's a video about aggressive drivers:

And here's a funny one about flashlight batteries: