A: What is this? A test? This feels more like homework than gratifying amusement. You ask me a question. They always start with words like why, how, who, and so on. "Describe" sounds more like, "In 1,000 words or less...."
But since we're on the topic of good service...sheesh. Anyway,essentially, the difference between good service and bad service is usually about 15 bucks, really cranky parents, and your children's future. Let me pick on the front line for a minute. Waitresses can either ruin the whole event or keep you coming back week after week. For instance, if she comes to your table talking to you like she just rose from the grave, I'm sure the meal will be just as tasty. When that happens, I always want to ask her if she had a good childhood. If, at this point (in your mind), you don't stick a fork in her mouth, you should give her the benefit of the doubt, because maybe she just didn't put her makeup on or something.
Stage 2: the order. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S SACRED AND BARBIE-ISH, CAN YOU JUST GET IT RIGHT??? Why do they mess it up? It's a 4x4 pad of paper, one blue pen, and a zombie brain. What's so hard about scrambled eggs, white toast, and chocolate milk? BIG difference between chocolate milk and my brother's disgusting orange juice. And I want my scrambled eggs fluffy...not flat and hard, and my toast NOT burnt around the edges.
Stage 3: the wait. When my father's like a petrified tree, my mother has a beard, and my brothers are all gone off to college..seomthing's wrong here. Where is the food??? There are cob webs between the tables for pete's sake. And when you see other people cheating time having come, eaten, and left, during your wait, it makes your blood boil. How many STUPID games of hangman can my father play anyway?
Stage 4: the coffee person. You know...those people who only ever say, "More coffee?" For some reason, some people just get the job - they did not go to GRAD school for this - it's obvious!! Let me spell it out for you: timing is everything. When my father's eyeballs are floating and my mother's sentences all start with, "Un-frigging-believable...", you MIGHT be pouring too much coffee. Let my mother get a word in edge-wise or we'll all be dealing with fallout until Christmas. All she wants to do is talk about jewelery to dad, but do you think she "More Coffee?" ... AHHHHHHH. SAY "NO" DAD. If you want to show your wife you love her, just say no.
Stage 5: the bill. The train has officially gone off the tracks. There's no way this chick is paying for any of this.
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